Maybe if you weren’t standing on my liver you wouldn’t get a hair up your nose. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Maybe if you weren’t standing on my liver you wouldn’t get a hair up your nose. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Woot got my fishing license and my trout permit
When a box says “do not open with a blade” I reply “work on your blade skills”
What are you doing to the trash? Whatever it is, I don’t recommend it.
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Have you heard the good news about cows?
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Doctor: how’s your sleep? Me: crappy Dr: why? What I’m saying: well I’ve got a lot of stress right now What I’m thinking: General Dogbutt was yelling at her blankets until 2am because she couldn’t get comfortable #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
BARK BARK BARK BARK —
— Yup it’s a door. Gonna be a door if you bark at it or not so you don’t need to tell me —
— BARK BARK BARK BARK
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Where are you going and why does it involve falling off the couch?!
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
You’re covered in slobber. You’re the only wet mouth Jack Russel terrier I’ve ever seen
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Me: [builds a large collection of christmas music] Also me, listening to the collection in the car: OMG WHAT DID YOU DO TO THIS SONG IT IS NOT A FUNERAL DIRGE
Me: What’s up? Need to go out? Myka: actually I just puked up 3 days worth of plastic squeakers i swallowed. They’re in the dining room. But sure, let’s go out!
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Kajit has the puppy treats if you have the pee
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Me: Beerkeep! Get me another bar! Bartender: Coca Cola it is!
All right which one of you comedians put the powerballs in Firepower?
#pinball
dear Apple Weather app folks: I would like barometric migraine-trigger alerts please
Why are you trying to stick your nose up my nose?
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Are you done vacuuming me yet?
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
God bless all the firefighters hitting the road tonight when Cellphone Charlie calls in “smell of smoke in the area”.
Teaching the dogs the speaking buttons and we’re doing a lot of accidental presses of “Outside” then standing on the porch mystified.
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
And off we go, sounding murdered again
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Dear DoorDash: when i search for “pot pie” i expect to get restaurants with pot pies, not restaurants with no pot pies.
Do you miss RSS feeds? If you’re an Apple person, I endorse NetNewsWire, which has been really easy to use and has helped me reconnect with so many things important to me.
What up, Stu? You already had a hug
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Please stop eating the mud.
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Me: we finally have a fence so I don’t have to go out with the dogs! The dogs: uh you have to come walk the property line with us or we’re not going out Me: 🤦🏻♀️
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday