Do you want to get out of the car? You want to climb me like a tree. Ok fine. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Do you want to get out of the car? You want to climb me like a tree. Ok fine. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
How you doing? Doing ok? Good. Glad to hear it. Good talk. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
I fully appreciate the angst you are feeling but you can wait two minutes for me to brush my hair
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Ah, I see. Yet another hotel that believes if you use a wheelchair you must not have a need for towel bars. o_O. :eyebrow twitches uncontrollably: #a11y
Video: did you ever stop to think about all the engineering that’s gone into a 3 1/2 inch floppy disk?
Me: of course we did. we didn’t have the internet. What the hell else were we going to do? Shoot more football notes at the other students?
#Pinball QOTD Player standing in front of Bally Wizard!: I miss Quicksilver.
the crip tax on paying your taxes when you need to know what you spent to be able to deduct it is astoundingly bad
i think next year i’m going to double-entry-bookkeep all the medical bullshit
thank you Vanguard and Quicken for teaching me bookkeeping, sort of
typo of the day: is it possible that one of these two (screenshot attacked) is the one I’m looking for?
I’m not your dad but this is good advice
I can’t throw it if you’re standing on it!
I am not throwing the frisbee in the house, you little goober!
I swear you can tell when I’ve launched the camera app
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
You’re sitting there raising hell with me get out there and go pee. I’ll turn you into a sausage.
The entire lawn does not require inspection!
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
What are you, working for the TSA? Stop inspecting the dishwasher.
Hoy, banana nose. What’re you doing?
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Thank you for not slamming into the cement post
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Don’t woof at me! I am not taking your shit!
…says the woman very clearly taking the dog’s shit.
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
No context theater: N: What’s the name of the unit we use to measure viscosity?
Me: Molasseses. Molassi?
Typo of the day: this is hulkshit
#writing
There are a lot of cars in my area with yellow stickers on the back that say “new driver. please be patient”.
I want one that says old driver. get off my roads”
Any time you feel especially burnt out remember that there’s a quantum physics theory that there’s really only one electron in the entire universe holding the whole thing together — and that bitch is overworked. It’s a good day not to be the electron.
Billboard: where are you going? Heaven? Or hell? Me: POTTSTOWN.
If every time you walk into the house it smells horrible but you’ve cleaned everything you can think of, check to see if the dogs think the door mat is a pee pad. #askMeHowIKnow #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday #eeew #soMuchPee
I will turn you into a pair of slippers!
I will turn you into a pierogi!
So help me I will turn you into a boot!
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Dear all the people naming shopping centers: you can’t be a “town square” if you’re a strip mall going down the side of a highway
Achievement unlocked: grocery shopping in the start of a blizzard
If you’re driving on a grey day when it’s snowing sideways it would be good if you turned on your goddamned headlights especially if you’re driving a grey SUV