every time a website has the “remember me” checkbox on it i get earwormed. and then i get sad. life is weird that way.
every time a website has the “remember me” checkbox on it i get earwormed. and then i get sad. life is weird that way.
OH: If you win your round you can take anything off the prize table except the menu and the napkins
#pinball #tournament
Dear MLB: we have a solution for “did it hit him?” over in cricket. How about adding SNICKO and a hotspot camera to baseball? It’s awesome to watch
I am covered in so. much. pee.
Zoë has a bladder infection and insisted on sitting in my lap the entire 4 hours we were at the urgent care.
Please excuse me I have to go launder myself and a dog.
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Two things to add to this video by Hank Green:
#disability #accessibility #vlog brothers
Calendar entry: Sun’s out. Buns fucking out —- Show me your rabbits
Me, chasing Myka around the back yard so I can put her harness on: I am a persistence predator! You are not! I will wear you down!
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Do not lick the fork in the parking lot! #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Did you just bark at my pillow?
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Where’s Zoë? Did you stuff her in her locker?
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Clothes pins are not for eating
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Hypothesis: if I drink a coke while eating the mint Oreos, I won’t eat as many because the two tastes clash like toothpaste and OJ. Test: open package of Oreos, eat with coke. Result: I have developed a taste for mint Oreos and coke. 🤦🏻♀️
Why can’t the trash be proactive and take itself out for a change?
You stink to high hell
I’m not giving you a treat for ringing to doorbell to come in when the door is open and you’ve been in the whole time. No.
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Those are clean dishes in the dishwasher. There’s no point in licking them.
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Sassing me? I will turn you into a pizza #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
OH: once upon a time there was a pony with a really cool haircut. The end. Go to sleep.
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Stop eating the tree
** You are not an electrical plug. You can’t go behind the TV.
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Are you done shopping? Can I close the fridge door now?
It’s dirt. Mommy’s got to make sure the dirt on your fur doesn’t have legs. That’s what I’m for.
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
How much bellyaching do you think people would do if around age 30 we got a 3rd set of teeth? Just pushed those worn out adult teeth out of your skull for a bright shiny, and incredibly sharp set of new senior teeth?
That is not your refrigerator! Stop licking it!
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
You have done a great job of guarding the house today. You’ve given 110%. I need you to give like 90%. Maybe 85%. We already know the neighbors live here
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Check your tuna folks. Botulism kills fast. And painfully. www.fda.gov/safety/re…
Wait if you’re behind me, who’s digging?
No, we’re not digging up the drainage pipes, baby, it’s 11pm.
#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
Got 25 minutes of fiction writing done today which is more than I’ve done in over a year. Only stopped because they were closing the arcade. (Noise blocking headphones are a godsend.)