Mei don’t try to take that toy away from Myka. We want you to live.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Don’t bark at me! I live here!

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Maybe if you weren’t standing on my liver you wouldn’t get a hair up your nose. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Woot got my fishing license and my trout permit

When a box says “do not open with a blade” I reply “work on your blade skills”

What are you doing to the trash? Whatever it is, I don’t recommend it.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Have you heard the good news about cows?

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Doctor: how’s your sleep? Me: crappy Dr: why? What I’m saying: well I’ve got a lot of stress right now What I’m thinking: General Dogbutt was yelling at her blankets until 2am because she couldn’t get comfortable #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

BARK BARK BARK BARK —

— Yup it’s a door. Gonna be a door if you bark at it or not so you don’t need to tell me —

— BARK BARK BARK BARK

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Where are you going and why does it involve falling off the couch?!

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

You’re covered in slobber. You’re the only wet mouth Jack Russel terrier I’ve ever seen

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Me: [builds a large collection of christmas music] Also me, listening to the collection in the car: OMG WHAT DID YOU DO TO THIS SONG IT IS NOT A FUNERAL DIRGE

Me: What’s up? Need to go out? Myka: actually I just puked up 3 days worth of plastic squeakers i swallowed. They’re in the dining room. But sure, let’s go out!

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Kajit has the puppy treats if you have the pee

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Me: Beerkeep! Get me another bar! Bartender: Coca Cola it is!

All right which one of you comedians put the powerballs in Firepower?

#pinball

dear Apple Weather app folks: I would like barometric migraine-trigger alerts please

Why are you trying to stick your nose up my nose?

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Are you done vacuuming me yet?

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

God bless all the firefighters hitting the road tonight when Cellphone Charlie calls in “smell of smoke in the area”.

Teaching the dogs the speaking buttons and we’re doing a lot of accidental presses of “Outside” then standing on the porch mystified.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

And off we go, sounding murdered again

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Dear DoorDash: when i search for “pot pie” i expect to get restaurants with pot pies, not restaurants with no pot pies.

Do you miss RSS feeds? If you’re an Apple person, I endorse NetNewsWire, which has been really easy to use and has helped me reconnect with so many things important to me.

What up, Stu? You already had a hug

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Please stop eating the mud.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Me: we finally have a fence so I don’t have to go out with the dogs! The dogs: uh you have to come walk the property line with us or we’re not going out Me: 🤦🏻‍♀️

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Achievement unlocked: be the kind of friend that gets texts like “Lady - did you send me a pack of jingle bells from Amazon?”

I did not. But I’m glad you think I would. It’ll make the banana duck all the more surprising.

Who put peanut butter on the wall?

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Zoë just licked the bag balm on my leg, once again learning that “it’s nontoxic! That means you can eat it!” doesn’t mean that you should eat it

Adopt a dog! Keep the peanut butter industry solvent

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Dear Burger King: I am as white as the driven snow and even I know putting Fritos on a whopper doesn’t make it Mexican street corn.

The insurance from AAA Life Insurance Company helps protect you from a leading risk of death or injury you likely face EVERY DAY

Dear AAA please explain to me how receiving money after i die protects me from dying. I’m not sure i’m following the plot here.

I just want my fingertips to not smell like the elephant enclosure at the zoo

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

I love this so much: jan.miksovsky.com/posts/202…

#amnesia #elderCare #vanillaJS

I know the fence wasn’t there this morning but I don’t think you need to bark at it.

Or the bobcat.

Or the five gallon buckets.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Last week we got a new water heater. Plumber: the temperature is set to A because that’s all we’re legally allowed to set it to. Me: what the hell is A? Plumber: it’s how Bradford White labels all the temperatures on their water heaters. Me: what is that in freedom units?

Today I was making up words to a sea shanty about my dog and discovered that “General Taylor” is about President Zachary Taylor (and probably a bunch of others)

thelongestsong.fandom.com/wiki/Gene…

Good weekend for learning history I guess

Yesterday I came home from watching Hamilton and read about the election of 1800 and that was some wild shit

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/1800…

Dear Wawa can we have car washes please?

/me starts singing “ill do any tea man, i’ll do any tea, some from the bottom of the sea man, i will drink the tea…”

I had a lot of corn tonight! In the form of cow. It was corn fed cow.

I wrote this yesterday. Maybe you need it today.

theinterconnected.net/kirabug/t…

No you may not re-eat the fox poop you just puked up

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

You want a puppy treat for eating fox poop?!

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

You’ve got your nose in my ear again. We just discussed this!

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

That is a roll of tape. It is not a toy. No im not throwing it for you.

Making a bed out of a plastic bag because you’re sad isn’t going to get me to throw the tape.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

This has been a test of the squirrel on the porch system. Had the dogs been allowed to chase the squirrel on the porch…

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

I think the slide deck in the beginning of The Stanley Parable has the best chance of being the world’s best Battledecks deck I have ever seen.

i’ve lost track exactly but i believe i’ve now been offered something like seven different mental health “well being benefits” from my employer or one of their health partners.

difficulty: i already have an actual counselor and psychiatrist

tell me you’re trying to cash in w/o telling me….

You need to stop licking my arm and learn how to self-regulate

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

I feel like Gus Pong’s mom when she woke up to find the dogs pulling the elk in the bedroom window

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Do you just not like sports?

Me to Myka, who’s sniffing the lawn while my dinner steams away in the living room during the World Series

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

A day so bad I’m starting to wonder if I’m the kid in the Omelas hole

#YouCantWalkAwayFromASystemYouCantEscape

Dear The Verge, if you’re going to build a webpage like this you REALLY need to put a “turn off animation” switch up at the top. Holy fuck. (You did totally nail the Geocities look though.)

CW for animation www.theverge.com/c/2424705…

#a11y #accessibility #migraineWarning

the enshittification will continue until entropy wins

dear facebook: just fuck off already, the ad market has collapsed.

Dear Govee, I like the price point of the meat thermometer and the fact that it’s bluetooth enabled because I have the brains of a small colander. But I don’t want to keep a screwdriver in my kitchen just to change the batteries in the meat thermometer. Don’t make me think!

When I become dictator… … all payment terminals at stores will use the same interface. … every small device’s battery door will open the same way. … kitchens will be designed for easy access to the fridge, the sink, the stove, and the dishwasher. Yes, all four!

No lies detected: www.threepanelsoul.com/comic/job…

“I feel like my dogs are pretty tough,” she says about the animals that include a 16lb fluffy white ball named Mei Mei.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday #NoIDidNotLetThemMeetTheRedFoxToTestTheTheory

Dear all the game designers:

It takes more space to write “tap anywhere to close” than it does to give me an explicit close button.

Cut the shenanigans.

There are 2 kinds of dogs on this bed. Mei, who gets nervous and moves away if you so much as wiggle a toe 6 inches from her, and Myka, who isn’t moving under any circumstance, so the best you can do is sleep around her. With pic to illustrate a stubborn dog.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Never tell a dog you’re going to take a quick walk because “quick” is a magic word that converts the dog into solid rock as soon as something interesting is spotted.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

N: who wrote that? Philip K Dick or Heinlin.

Me: Heinlin. It’s too “plot-y” to be Philip K Dick

“I can’t find this song I bought!”

in 1994: Mom: well, where did you put it?

in 2024: Apple rep: could we please start with the serial number of your mac?

Rep: What’s a good address for you? N: Well a good address would be somewhere in Malibu but our correct address is…

dear doordash: where is the setting for “stop showing me all these categories and just show me the goddamned list of restaurants”? you are not netflix. i do not need 300 categories of ideas. i need food. in my face. in the middle of nowhere. now.

I would like to thank Vanguard for (accidentally) teaching me bookkeeping skills (in the form of Quicken Support) so that when someone’s messing with my paycheck I can actually do the math.

Hey Wawa how in Pennsylvania do you not have horseradish on the condiments list? It’s pickled for Pete’s sake, it’s not gonna go bad.

i’ve now been trying to change my address on UPS’s website for like 10 minutes. This is after spending 42 minutes on the phone with Vanguard yesterday to change an address there. My god. Is UX dead or do these places just don’t care?

dear world: i just want websites that work. omg.

If you’re a fan of #ThingsISaidToMyDogsToday you might want to know that Kaylee spent the weekend in the ICU for congestive heart failure. If we didn’t know already that we don’t have a ton of time left with our sixteen year old little girl, well, now we do. Also, terriers are really stubborn.

Solidarity to all the other dog parents who have yelled “I promise I’m not looking now would you please just poop!” #ThingsISaidToMyDogToday

The bike lane isn’t for dogs. You are not a bike. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

All dog owners who leash walk (or are housetraining) know that if a person stands outside chanting “go poo” long enough, one of the two will need to poo and usually it is not the dog.

I miss Mock the Week.

We’re not eating the fox scat.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Me: what are you eating? Zoe: Nothing, I swallowed it.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

You’re making me miss the Johnny Carson reruns on YouTube!

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Are you going to walk around the puddle?

You’re going to drink the puddle.

sigh. Do you want Giardia? Because this is how we get Giardia.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

You think you’re going to sneak up on the bunny? Zoë you have all the subtlety of a fire truck sneaking up on a call

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Elaine Nelson just wrote a great article for The Interconnected – the AI Skeptic Starter Pack. It’s a great source for articles that help you explain to other people why so many of us are giving artificial intelligence the side-eye

theinterconnected.net/epersonae…

Sir, there’s a no soliciting sign on the front door. It’s 10:30 at night. You need to leave. Boy did you pick the wrong house.

#ThingsISaidToTheFrogsToday

This is a great ad. Also, fuck cancer.

youtu.be/pQNv6gsUk…

🎶well you can tell by the way I use my walk I’ve got a Charlie horse, no time to talk 🎶

#NoContextTheater

Every single living creature on earth requires some kind of sleep cycle and no one knows why.

Anyway, enjoy yours.

Me: do you need to poo or should we go home? Mei: flops on the ground

Add “called Mei ‘you with the face and the screaming’” to the bad mom list

#ThingsISaidToTheDogToday

Things that made me a bad mom this weekend:

• Took away the charred walnut Zoë found in the fire pit -Wouldn’t let Myka run off with a chunk of gutter just because there was a bird in (a different piece of) it.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

You make one hell of a kettle bell

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

I know it’s a lot of frogs but somebody has to do it. Go pee.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

It’s 11 o clock at night! You don’t get to bark at the tricycle just because you’ve never seen one before!

and

Stop barking at the lawn!

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Things I saw today:

• whitetail deer inside the Philadelphia border (not all that unusual but it was noon)
• an advertisement for “pond tour and barbecue”
• someone driving down the schuylkill expressway with a big (50lb or more) bright red beanbag chair strapped to the roof of their SUV

What are you doing? Do not just walk up and bite the treat bag

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

They say that beetles represent 40% of all known animal species in the world. I have to agree, because all of them are currently stuck to the glass on my back door.

Just read a post that said “I don’t like to curse in English because I find the range quite limited compared to other languages”

Tell me you haven’t pissed off someone from Scotland without telling me….

You know I’m mad at a company when I’m not only sending them a print letter, I’m picking out the fonts and styling of my letterhead

Attention!

Moving: it sucks.

As you were

I do have to say that Apple’s facial recognition of dogs in Apple Photos has saved me hundreds of hours of time tagging pictures.

You’d better poop the Taj Mahal. Do not catch anything.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

I ranted about content strategy in design system software - and a bunch of other amazing people talked about content and design systems better than I did. Check out our video: vimeo.com/949992469

Hey, you. You want something better than meetup and eventbrite? you want something where you know that everyone in your company / all of your customers / all of your friends / your fanbase can sign up without a horrible experience?

Back lnkd.in/eRygrjim

Just traded Myka a minnow for my pajamas, if you doubted my shrewd business sense

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Also if you’re bored, I am ranting here (right now): https://www.meetup.com/content-strategy-los-angeles/events/300890930/?utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=share-btn_savedevents_share_modal&utm_source=linkedin

Yo, UX people, if you are at all about setting up, running, or attending events, you need www.indiegogo.com/projects/… . Comics people, you need this for your stuff. Writers, you too. Let’s get this done so everyone can attend our stuff.

No context theater: I think Cousin It just shit in my cornflakes

Just saw an ad promising to show me the way to inner peace.

In the last two weeks the basement has flooded, the heater has required replacing, we’ve racked up $1,500 in vet bills, I’ve wrangled a huge project at work, and taken care of my husband.

I need OUTER peace.

Privy parade! Let’s go! Out and go poo!

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Zoë found all the bunny poop. Are you going to go join her eating the bunny poop?

Did you have to pee on the hardwood when the carpet was right there?

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Friend: you know I heard your house was one of the premiere models in your development.

Me: we have chair rail in the powder room. I don’t know why you need chair rail in the powder room. There’s only one “chair”, it’s not movable, and ironically there’s no chair rail behind it.

Don’t lick the soap — yeah you havee regrets now don’t you?

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

I just attributed a Shakespeare quote to Robert Frost. Someone come collect my English degree.

You are not computering for me. Stop trying to computer.

Why are you licking the tv remote?

You were JUST. OUT.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

When a Director in a place like Lullabot captures his wisdom around content design for CMSs in a book? You get the book

The kickstarter has 2 weeks to go.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/gregdunlap/designing-content-authoring-experiences?ref=1h11jt&trk=feed-detail_comments-list_comment-text

Well you stole her frog king. It’s no wonder she’s yelling at you.

Why are you licking the molding?

Bath mats are not a snack.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Current status

youtu.be/AYvwRpqid…

There are no parking spots at Wawa and a few intrepid volunteers have decided to invent their own spots. Tell me there’s an eagles game without telling me there’s an eagles game

Had problems paying for something using amazon payments. Filled out survey to provide feedback. amazon couldn’t process survey either.

¯_(ツ)_/¯

Folklorists: I may have offended my house brownie. I want to put out some milk and meat for them but we don’t have a hearthstone. Which is more likely to be accepted, the counter in front of the microwave, or the stove? Or if it’s more about the camaraderie, the tv stand?

PUT THE 1/6 LINE ON YOUR MEASURING CUPS YOU COWARDS SO I CAN FEED MY DOG PROPERLY.

honest to god i’m looking for a 1/6 cup dry measure and it doesn’t freaking exist.

if you have any leads pass them on please!

Stop licking the groceries.

Stop licking the floor.

Stop licking my phone… oh look you crashed the app.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Why are you stealing Kaylee’s bandanna? Sketchy you thief! Get back here with that. Don’t you even take that out— And there she goes.

#ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday

Life with the flu: Brain: let’s clean out the library! Body: fuck you, we’re sitting on the couch all day Brain: let’s make a complex financial plan for the coming year! Body: again, fuck you Brain: let’s eat a whole box of Tim Tams! Body: fu— you have my attention