: Maybe if you weren’t standing on my liver you wouldn’t get a hair up your nose. …
: Woot got my fishing license and my trout permit
: When a box says “do not open with a blade” I reply “work on your blade skills”
: What are you doing to the trash? Whatever it is, I don’t recommend it. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Have you heard the good news about cows? #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Doctor: how’s your sleep? Me: crappy Dr: why? What I’m saying: well I’ve got a lot of stress right …
: BARK BARK BARK BARK — — Yup it’s a door. Gonna be a door if you bark at it or not so you don’t need …
: Where are you going and why does it involve falling off the couch?! #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: You’re covered in slobber. You’re the only wet mouth Jack Russel terrier I’ve ever seen …
: Me: [builds a large collection of christmas music] Also me, listening to the collection in the car: …
: Me: What’s up? Need to go out? Myka: actually I just puked up 3 days worth of plastic squeakers i …
: Kajit has the puppy treats if you have the pee #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Me: Beerkeep! Get me another bar! Bartender: Coca Cola it is!
: All right which one of you comedians put the powerballs in Firepower? #pinball
: dear Apple Weather app folks: I would like barometric migraine-trigger alerts please
: Why are you trying to stick your nose up my nose? #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Are you done vacuuming me yet? #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: God bless all the firefighters hitting the road tonight when Cellphone Charlie calls in “smell of …
: Teaching the dogs the speaking buttons and we’re doing a lot of accidental presses of …
: And off we go, sounding murdered again #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Dear DoorDash: when i search for “pot pie” i expect to get restaurants with pot pies, …
: Do you miss RSS feeds? If you’re an Apple person, I endorse NetNewsWire, which has been really …
: What up, Stu? You already had a hug #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Please stop eating the mud. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Me: we finally have a fence so I don’t have to go out with the dogs! The dogs: uh you have to come …
: Achievement unlocked: be the kind of friend that gets texts like “Lady - did you send me a pack of …
: Who put peanut butter on the wall? #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Zoë just licked the bag balm on my leg, once again learning that “it’s nontoxic! That means you can …
: Adopt a dog! Keep the peanut butter industry solvent #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Dear Burger King: I am as white as the driven snow and even I know putting Fritos on a whopper …
: The insurance from AAA Life Insurance Company helps protect you from a leading risk of death or …
: I just want my fingertips to not smell like the elephant enclosure at the zoo …
: I love this so much: jan.miksovsky.com/posts/202… #amnesia #elderCare #vanillaJS
: I know the fence wasn’t there this morning but I don’t think you need to bark at it. Or the bobcat. …
: Last week we got a new water heater. Plumber: the temperature is set to A because that’s all we’re …
: Today I was making up words to a sea shanty about my dog and discovered that “General Taylor” is …
: Yesterday I came home from watching Hamilton and read about the election of 1800 and that was some …
: Dear Wawa can we have car washes please?
: /me starts singing “ill do any tea man, i’ll do any tea, some from the bottom of the sea man, i will …
: I had a lot of corn tonight! In the form of cow. It was corn fed cow.
: I wrote this yesterday. Maybe you need it today. theinterconnected.net/kirabug/t…
: No you may not re-eat the fox poop you just puked up #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: You want a puppy treat for eating fox poop?! #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: You’ve got your nose in my ear again. We just discussed this! #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: That is a roll of tape. It is not a toy. No im not throwing it for you. Making a bed out of a …
: This has been a test of the squirrel on the porch system. Had the dogs been allowed to chase the …
: I think the slide deck in the beginning of The Stanley Parable has the best chance of being the …
: i’ve lost track exactly but i believe i’ve now been offered something like seven …
: You need to stop licking my arm and learn how to self-regulate #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: I feel like Gus Pong’s mom when she woke up to find the dogs pulling the elk in the bedroom window …
: Do you just not like sports? Me to Myka, who’s sniffing the lawn while my dinner steams away in the …
: A day so bad I’m starting to wonder if I’m the kid in the Omelas hole …
: Dear The Verge, if you’re going to build a webpage like this you REALLY need to put a …
: the enshittification will continue until entropy wins
: dear facebook: just fuck off already, the ad market has collapsed.
: Dear Govee, I like the price point of the meat thermometer and the fact that it’s bluetooth …
: When I become dictator… … all payment terminals at stores will use the same interface. … every small …
: No lies detected: www.threepanelsoul.com/comic/job…
: “I feel like my dogs are pretty tough,” she says about the animals that include a 16lb fluffy white …
: Dear all the game designers: It takes more space to write “tap anywhere to close” than it does to …
: There are 2 kinds of dogs on this bed. Mei, who gets nervous and moves away if you so much as wiggle …
: Never tell a dog you’re going to take a quick walk because “quick” is a magic word that converts the …
: N: who wrote that? Philip K Dick or Heinlin. Me: Heinlin. It’s too “plot-y” to be Philip K Dick
: “I can’t find this song I bought!” in 1994: Mom: well, where did you put it? in …
: Rep: What’s a good address for you? N: Well a good address would be somewhere in Malibu but …
: dear doordash: where is the setting for “stop showing me all these categories and just show me …
: I would like to thank Vanguard for (accidentally) teaching me bookkeeping skills (in the form of …
: Hey Wawa how in Pennsylvania do you not have horseradish on the condiments list? It’s pickled for …
: i’ve now been trying to change my address on UPS’s website for like 10 minutes. This is …
: dear world: i just want websites that work. omg.
: If you’re a fan of #ThingsISaidToMyDogsToday you might want to know that Kaylee spent the weekend in …
: Solidarity to all the other dog parents who have yelled “I promise I’m not looking now would you …
: The bike lane isn’t for dogs. You are not a bike. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: All dog owners who leash walk (or are housetraining) know that if a person stands outside chanting …
: We’re not eating the fox scat. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Me: what are you eating? Zoe: Nothing, I swallowed it. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: You’re making me miss the Johnny Carson reruns on YouTube! #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Are you going to walk around the puddle? You’re going to drink the puddle. sigh. Do you want …
: You think you’re going to sneak up on the bunny? Zoë you have all the subtlety of a fire truck …
: Elaine Nelson just wrote a great article for The Interconnected – the AI Skeptic Starter Pack. …
: Sir, there’s a no soliciting sign on the front door. It’s 10:30 at night. You need to leave. Boy did …
: This is a great ad. Also, fuck cancer. youtu.be/pQNv6gsUk…
: 🎶well you can tell by the way I use my walk I’ve got a Charlie horse, no time to talk 🎶 …
: Every single living creature on earth requires some kind of sleep cycle and no one knows why. …
: Me: do you need to poo or should we go home? Mei: flops on the ground
: Add “called Mei ‘you with the face and the screaming’” to the bad mom list #ThingsISaidToTheDogToday
: Things that made me a bad mom this weekend: Took away the charred walnut Zoë found in the fire pit …
: You make one hell of a kettle bell #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: I know it’s a lot of frogs but somebody has to do it. Go pee. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: It’s 11 o clock at night! You don’t get to bark at the tricycle just because you’ve never seen one …
: Things I saw today: whitetail deer inside the Philadelphia border (not all that unusual but it was …
: What are you doing? Do not just walk up and bite the treat bag #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: They say that beetles represent 40% of all known animal species in the world. I have to agree, …
: Just read a post that said “I don’t like to curse in English because I find the range …
: You know I’m mad at a company when I’m not only sending them a print letter, I’m …
: Attention! Moving: it sucks. As you were
: I do have to say that Apple’s facial recognition of dogs in Apple Photos has saved me hundreds of …
: You’d better poop the Taj Mahal. Do not catch anything. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: I ranted about content strategy in design system software - and a bunch of other amazing people …
: Hey, you. You want something better than meetup and eventbrite? you want something where you know …
: Just traded Myka a minnow for my pajamas, if you doubted my shrewd business sense …
: Also if you’re bored, I am ranting here (right now): …
: Yo, UX people, if you are at all about setting up, running, or attending events, you need …
: No context theater: I think Cousin It just shit in my cornflakes
: Just saw an ad promising to show me the way to inner peace. In the last two weeks the basement has …
: Privy parade! Let’s go! Out and go poo! #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Zoë found all the bunny poop. Are you going to go join her eating the bunny poop? Did you have to …
: Friend: you know I heard your house was one of the premiere models in your development. Me: we have …
: Don’t lick the soap — yeah you havee regrets now don’t you? #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: I just attributed a Shakespeare quote to Robert Frost. Someone come collect my English degree.
: You are not computering for me. Stop trying to computer. Why are you licking the tv remote? You were …
: When a Director in a place like Lullabot captures his wisdom around content design for CMSs in a …
: Well you stole her frog king. It’s no wonder she’s yelling at you.
: Why are you licking the molding? Bath mats are not a snack. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Current status youtu.be/AYvwRpqid…
: There are no parking spots at Wawa and a few intrepid volunteers have decided to invent their own …
: Had problems paying for something using amazon payments. Filled out survey to provide feedback. …
: Folklorists: I may have offended my house brownie. I want to put out some milk and meat for them but …
: PUT THE 1/6 LINE ON YOUR MEASURING CUPS YOU COWARDS SO I CAN FEED MY DOG PROPERLY. honest to god …
: Stop licking the groceries. Stop licking the floor. Stop licking my phone… oh look you …
: Why are you stealing Kaylee’s bandanna? Sketchy you thief! Get back here with that. Don’t you even …
: Life with the flu: Brain: let’s clean out the library! Body: fuck you, we’re sitting on the couch …
: Things the dogs have been called in the lastt 24 hours: Turkey butt A cute little potato Screamy My …
: Today I learned that Bogota is not pronounced like Abe Vigoda.
: Overheard: Why is there a halftime pop tart?
: Is licking the door frame necessary? #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Would you stop trying to climb my shoulder?! You are NOT A PARROT #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: If you keep it up I’m going to offer you some mulled wine. You’re not supposed to like the wine. …
: It’s Christmas Day not Barking Day. Don’t lose the plot here, kid, keep moving. …
: Look, the pee isn’t gonna pee itself. You gotta do it. And how are we over here, Meltdown City? I …
: Ok y’all don’t have any toys that go crunch so what am I hearing? … Myka, why are eating Mei’s …
: things Kaylee has been called last 24 hours: stompy face pickle butt grumplestiltskin (credit to my …
: Me: See, we have warm blankets, a soft sofa and Zoë: HIC Me: and the hiccups. What more could we ask …
: Saturday night heckling science YouTube videos. Like you do. I do not know how some of these folks …
: Me: hey can Mark and I trade games? TD: NO. I tried #pinball #tournament
: Bring the unicorn back in the house please #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Me: I am going to get so much done today! Washing machine: hey one of the crate mats blew into a …
: Seriously, Vicks, VapoTub was RIGHT THERE. How did you miss it?
: As expected, the award for Best Mom Ever goes unanimously to the woman with the bag of leftover …
: Do not lick the dishwasher #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Things I threatened to turn Kaylee into if she didn’t stop barking (last 24 hours): slippers …
: Me: ok time to strip the bed Kaylee: oh hang on let me come up. [Stands right in front of me on the …
: Made finals in my division #pinball
: Why are you yelling at the lawn? #ThingsISaidToTheDogaToday
: Overheard: bluetooth is SCSI in wireless form (I can tell how old you are by whether you just …
: Science educators: [dramatic intro to the idea that the magnetic field flips every once in a while] …
: Design System Design Ops: Yak Shaving as a Service
: Arguing with my husband over the metric fuck ton to imperial fuck ton is.
: Me: Once upon a time there were four little girls. And they were all veterans good puppies. The end. …
: Look at that beautiful sunlight! … ok, bark at that beautiful sunlight. You do you. …
: Lost track of the number of times I said “screws are not snacks” while putting together flat pack …
: Nobody nests quite like an overtired terrier #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Use means to do something with a tool’s intended purpose. Utilize means to do something with a tool …
: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you 3 bottles of lemon iced tea instead …
: Dear apple I don’t need to have a faster Mac right now, I need to be able to pin more than 9 …
: Hey Sketchy, what are you running off with? … stuffed broccoli. Proceed. …
: Are you unpacking that whole fish? #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Grammarians: don’t end sentences with prepositions. Philadelphians: Where you at? What shirt size’re …
: We’re watching the Phillies game and of course yelling at the TV. The dogs at the doggie door: …
: Stuck ball runner up: quicksilver’s top rollovers. I have no idea how I balanced a ball on the top …
: Stuck ball of the day: ball is lodged against a nut in the drain area above the trough on Funhouse. …
: I really don’t think lambchop needs to go out at 6am…. And there she goes so I guess Mei disagrees. …
: Number of minutes it took for the dogs to find their way under the deck when I took the blocks away …
: You’re such a good girl! You’re loud… and boisterous… and a petty …
: Get your ass in here and stop barking or I will kill you nine different ways and invent two more for …
: You can chew [your treat] in the house, I’m confident you can, I’ve seen you do it before …
: That’s right, take it out on the crate mat. You’re not getting something just because I’m leaning on …
: “I found a tooth in the washing machine” is on the list of things I didn’t think I would be saying …
: Grump later. Pee now. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Why are you hitting me with a pig? Please don’t taste test the soap. Do not eat the kitchen …
: Why are you all throwing things off my couch? #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Mei: squeaksqueak* Me: put the squeaky frog down, Mei, it’s 3:30 in the morning, nobody wants to …
: Lambchop doesn’t need to serenade the neighbors at 11pm #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Parents can be very enriching in what they teach us. They can also ruin that enrichment. To wit: the …
: Me: I am throwing out the broken toys Myka: I am riding on your back like a mountain goat Mei: No …
: Me: here is your new ramp to go out the doggie door Dogs: new chew toy! #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: If you keep barking I’m gonna- I’ll not feed you dinner. I’ll sternly yell at you about it. I’ll sit …
: Why do you smell like mustard? Leave the dead bunny alone. Cardboard is not food. …
: Amazing design article of the day: Sarah Wachter-Boettcher’s Hey Designers, they’re …
: There’s nothing there you nutballs. Stop chasing the invisible rabbits and go out and go pee …
: A Book Apart is having a warehouse sale and great prices here on physical books. …
: It is bedtime. It is not bark-at-me time. We don’t have a bark-at-me time. …
: If you have a hidden cell phone for safety / domestic abuse / etc. purposes SHUT THE PHONE OFF. As …
: It’s a bad body day, with things hurting for no obvious reason in multiple places, and my day is …
: Me: it’s a simple process. You throw the ball. You catch the ball. You hit the ball N: what? Me: …
: Dog’s got demons again. How did you get grass clippings on your back? You know, I appreciate that …
: You’re not green enough for me to believe you peed. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: You do not need to belch in my face to tell me that you love me #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Ophelia, stop your sobbing and soaking. The garden is watered. The grass seed has washed away. And …
: Don’t you catch a goddamned thing you hear me? #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: God bless rabbits who get caught in the fence and then get caught by the terriers. And God, please …
: They say write drunk and edit sober but I think this story might require me to get drunk to figure …
: What’s up, grumpybottom? No you may not sleep on the dirty laundry in the hall. Go to bed. It’s …
: Noooo. Bed time. Sleep time. Mommy will turn you into furniture if you don’t leave her alone time. …
: A direct translation of the last 15 minutes of fit-throwing by Kaylee: MOM I WANT A DRINK OF WATER. …
: OH: I put the “amateur” in PAPA #pinball #iykyk
: Youngest person in the tournament is also one of the tournament directors (TDs) so it’s extra fun as …
: Some folks will tell you dogs can’t count. I’ll tell you that when I took the 1st peppermint shaped …
: I think I left my ability to play pinball in Philly at 5:30 this morning. Took two naps today and …
: just discovered that edictic memory is actually eidetic memory because once again, i’m inventing …
: that thing where you can hear the dog’s decision to fuss as she’s crossing the house …
: I missed the sound of dogs jogging past me on the deck #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: N: are you sure that’s Saturn it’s awfully bright Me: I dunno man I don’t own it #astronomy
: That ocean rock looks just like a leaf! [pokes rock with toe] oh it is a leaf.
: If you teach someone web accessibility they will spend the rest of their lives furious at restaurant …
: If you’re ever at a massage and unsure what you should be thinking about while you try to relax, …
: The best way to describe the soundtrack at the pinball arcade tonight is “80s roller rink” #pinball
: My oldest dog and only boy went blind today. The emergency vet was wonderful but other than rule out …
: Did some php programming tonight, if “build custom template for Wordpress categories page” counts. I …
: Let go of the spoon. You don’t eat dominos, stop chasing their car. I did not send you out to bark! …
: Been a while since I was home ❤️
: Y’know, the K-8 history books made it sound like knowledge of the tricorn hat was going to be a lot …
: Me yelling at Chance for pooping in the house: DUDE. On the scale?! N: Bonus points for style Me: Do …
: Came in 5th in a women’s flip frenzy pinball tournament tonight. More amazingly, finished qualifying …
: Ok time to come in. What do you have there? Oh that’s a big bug. You can leave that there. Do not …
: Lord, in your infinite wisdom you gave us Jack Russel terriers. In my finite wisdom I have locked …
: Me: and where are you going? Dog: I’m followin' you! #evergreen #30 times a day …
: That thing where a dog sniffs one of your ankles and then looks at you like “just where the …
: Apps updating on my phone: Slack Vanguard The bubble level 🎵One of these things is not like the …
: I do not need my nostrils licked! It makes the sneezing worse! #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Friend ranting about Tommy (the musical): “…and they’re worried that Tommy’s going to hell! They …
: Playing Final Fantasy Crisis Core now. Zach, the protagonist, appears to be in his mid-20s but …
: It’s easy to taunt the dogs for not having thumbs but I think we need to give our shoulders and …
: Dogs got me up so early I’m back in bed before the 5:28 train rumbled through. I’m being spicy on …
: Praise the god of your choosing that dogs find chewing on things both physically and cognitively …
: Please mask up. While we are certainly not where we were in 2020 with COVID-19, it is still …
: There’s a new variant of COVID-19 going around and cases are ticking up. Biggest risks are …
: Please stop licking the touchpad #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: No context theater: What a set of tits on that ball!
: The human brain: capable of accusing natural weather phenomena of being “a goddamned traitor” since …
: The entire pinball tournament just paused to watch the Phillies get a no-hitter #pinball #baseball
: Hamlet: To be, or not to be? [cracks open beer] that is the question. [raises beer to roast …
: It is not laser pistol time. It is two in the morning. You cannot have your laser pistol. You can …
: You’ve got monkey guts* all over the floor. What do you expect from me? Stuffed animal stuffing …
: accidentally slipped an “n” into all the terms for people with different types of …
: I don’t think you need to headbutt me to show me you love me. I’m just sayin'. …
: I think you’re just using me to get kangaroo treats. #ThingsISaidToTheDogsToday
: Hey! I did not bring the princess of barking in the house for the queen to take over! Shut it! …
: Me: [sneaks into bed and under the covers] Mei: YIPE! Me, sighing: ok I’ll fell you a bedtime story …
: Bartender: drink this, it’s whisky. I started pouring from the wrong bottle. It’s Jim beam. Me: …
: Bonus: if you put alt text on an image in micro.blog it flows to tumblr, mastodon, and bluesky. …
: Y’all. Alt text in case it doesn’t make it to the other channels: High score 3 on godfather with …
: Shit talking my husband while we’re playing different machines during a tournament is one of my …
: Things I would do if I had a Time Machine: go back to the founding fathers and persuade them to call …
: Sometimes I feel like the Spiders Georg of accumulating weird friends.
: Playing around with micro.blog since the twitterverse has fragmented.